Today, my employer asked us all to reflect on this past year living in a pandemic world. My boyfriend and I have been doing this a lot lately on our daily walks, as the world seems to be in a rush to “get back to normal,” whatever normal means. Our friends and family members are slowly become vaccinated and venturing out into the world again. Our employers are continuing the conversations about returning to the office again. Our friends anxiously await making plans with us.
All of these conversations have lead us to the chilling realization that the “normal” world is not set up for introverts. Like, at all. There is constant pressure coming from all aspects of our lives to get “back out there” and be around people all the time. And now that we don’t have a “valid” excuse (there's a pandemic, sorry, can't hang out) we are having trouble saying no.
We moved in together in May of 2020 after quarantining away from each other for the first two months of the pandemic to keep our families safe. Pre-pandemic, we had plans pretty much every weekend. We didn't live super close to each other, so we spent a lot of time driving to visit each other or visit his friends downtown. Our first year of dating, we went on some sort of a road trip close to every month. It was an adventure and don't get me wrong, we had so much fun, but it also lead to feeling completely overwhelmed at times.
I had to force myself to have just one day per month where I didn’t make plans with anyone. Then when that day came, I ended up not knowing what to do with myself. I did not know how to relax. I didn’t even know what I liked to do in my free time, because I didn’t have free time.
Fast forward to March 2020, with all the rapid changes, my anxiety was through the roof, as most people’s were at that time. After the initial rush of shifting to remote work and trying to figure out what our new lives looked like, I settled into a routine. The worst part of all of it was being separated from my person, so we finally decided it would be best for our mental health if we moved in together to wait out the pandemic as a team.
Only then did I really allow myself to relax and lean into our new normal. I started to see all the advantages of working from home; I was getting more sleep, it was easier to concentrate on tasks at work, and the ability to take walks during lunch really helped boost my creativity by stepping away from the screen for 20 minutes. I am able to be more productive at home than I ever was in the office, because I work in an open office space, where there were constantly conversations happening around me. I didn't realize how distracting that was until I left. I also didn't realize how little I actually stood up to walk around and stretch at work, because I felt pressured to be always sitting in my cubicle or it would look like I wasn't getting my job done.
Since May, my boyfriend and I have felt like we’ve truly been thriving, living in our little bubble. Our lives feel more flexible than ever, without being chained to our work desks in a window-less office for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and hanging out with groups of people the other two days of the week with no time to decompress.
Never before have we had so much time to do what we want. I suddenly had time for hobbies again, rather than every second of my day being planned for only “productive” tasks. I spent many hours this year hanging out with my Animal Crossing villagers, laughing with my friends over FaceTime as we failed the same Overcooked level again and catching Pokemon. I found peace in completing paint by numbers canvases and puzzles, which now decorate the walls of our apartment. I actually had time to exercise and cook healthy meals.
I used to be so tied to my Google calendar, planning each day down to the hour, sometimes even the minute. It’s been a huge relief to not look at a calendar full of plans and events, half of which neither of us actually wanted to go to anyway.
Coming out of this with this new perspective, we both have agreed to make a conscious effort to block out time to sit at home and just relax and be ourselves. It is extremely exhausting to have to “be on” all the time. As someone with social anxiety, constantly having to worry about every single thing I say or do or wear takes a huge toll on my energy and mental health. I have always found myself slightly changing my personality to fit in with whoever I’m hanging out with or talking to, which I didn't have to do much of this past year. We both have felt so free of all the social pressure, both at work and in our friendship circles. We've been able to just be our introverted selves without apologizing for it.
I do want to end this by saying that I recognize that this pandemic has caused so much heartache, sorrow, despair and loss for so many people around the world. But I think we can still look for the positives in this situation and learn from it. We can come out of this stronger.
For the two of us, it’s working on boundaries and making a conscious effort to allow our introverted minds time away from the chaos of the world that's really made for extroverts.
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